The Boots Are Made For Whining

Something strange happened to Crispin Glover: sitting in the school cafeteria minding his own depressed business, a futureboy from 2029 came by and told him that if he set his mind to it, he could become a recording artiste. "But what if nobody likes it?" Crispin wailed. Futureboy assured him that they would and that the album (simply titled The Big Problem Does Not Equal the Solution. The Solution = Let It Be.) would be great. Thank you, Futureboy!


Crispin Helion Glover's album is a celebration of W*E*I*R*D. Or just avant garde shit. On his cover of the Nancy Sinatra hit, he whines like no emo has ever whined since. It is gloriously awful. His boots are made for whining. It seems that Crispin wasn't even trying to be funny. He was making a statement, dammit! It's not all bad though: the instrumental arrangement is pretty cool, though I suspect you need to be high to fully appreciate it. The insistent fade-out is just fantastic.

Mrs Miller, gamely struggling to locate the song's beat, on the other hand winks at us as she performs her version of These Boots Are Made For Walking, especially when she musters all her seductive powers to instruct her boots to commence motion. And which true men's heart would not melt at Elva's sexy sigh of "yeah"?

Was Mrs Miller serious or was she taking the piss? Well, her singing career started when she made recordings of songs as gifts for orphanages (the poor fucking things). Apparently she was in on the joke, but she did not sing poorly deliberately and for laughs. She was a horrible performer of pop music, she knew it, and she was game enough to have people laugh at her enthusiastic stabs at a musical medium quite foreign to her. Which is all endearing, yet totally disappointing.

Voice your preference for the crappier cover of a perfectly decent song. Who rocks harder: Crispin or Mrs Miller?

Crispin Helion Glover - These Boots Are Made For Walking.mp3
Mrs Miller - These Boots Are Made For Walking.mp3